I was a bookworm growing up, and words, accents, and manners of speech occupy a very special place in my heart-brain continuum. I started with poems as a kid and became enamored with rap as a medium for self-expression. I’m not the best performer, but I enjoy rapping and composing rhymes.

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Git

So I drives down the highway and arrive at my work
I grab a banana; FruitGuys is a perk
Thunderbolt cable in, now I’m ready to go
Git checkout a branch of our devteam repo
The branch is a feature, we use them a lot
Phabricator recommends… that’s all I got
So allow me to talk about the wonders of git
It’s quite amazing, once you learn more of it
Being able to undo, gives you lots of power
Reverting changes now won’t take you an hour…
Because you can simply git stash 'em away,
Then bring 'em all back when you’re ready to play
Switch branches like a monkey, to try new changes
Based on different upstreams, different commit ranges
And when it’s time to complain about bad code
Just gitk that sh*t, you got the motherlode
To git blame the exact right person or two
Yeah now you show them, who’s the real foo

Phabricator

I go to Phabricator and refresh the diff
I look around sneaky, and catch a whiff
My code ain’t buggy but it sure got some smells
I’m not so sure the review will go over well
But that’s quite alright, I’ll be okay,
I’ll make the changes, and then I’ll pray
That Ben Komalo will finally accept my review
So that I can ship, and get a fish (wahoo).
To rest of the team, that’s obsessed with shippin
I’m embarrassed to say, my ship date’s been slippin.
But fear not y’all, it’s coming along
In deciding to hire, I’ll prove you weren’t wrong.
I’m learning a ton, about schedule and code
For me it has been quite a well-balanced load.

Ode to Lead Pipe

This rap came to mind the night before the Fall 2008 Duke ECE 27 (Electrical and Computer Engineering intro course) Integrated Design Competition (IDC), a line-following robot competition. The theme for the competition was the board game Clue, and teams were named for weapons in the game. My team was “Lead Pipe”. FCIEMAS (pronounced “see-moss”) is one of the main engineering buildings at Duke. Obama’s recent victory in the 2008 presidential election was on my mind, as was the financial crisis. The various other proper nouns refer to my teammates.

Yo, it's 7pm.
I'm in FCIEMAS again.
I share a high ten with O-riana Wen.
How bout Kaiting Chen? on time like Big Ben.
but always so zen, unlike me, but then...
I see Nabila Haque, she say, what's up, doc?
Uh not a lot 'sides a short circuit shock
It wake St. Chang up like the win of Barack
Pretty soon Team Lead Pipe, we be ready to rock...
Then... in walks Ga-Young, yeah she so aplomb,
And "yo" speaks the tongue of In-du Manickam.
With IDC 'most complete, up high rises the heat
All prepare for defeat in the likes of Wall Street
No one can compete with our E-1337 fleet!
Alright, back to work, we got code to delete...

I’m Writing Code

This is a “parity” of The Lonely Island’s classic hit “I’m On A Boat”. Eric Thorne, Indu Manickam, and I wrote this in Spring 2009 for CPS 100 at Duke, taught by Prof Owen Astrachan.

Aww split, get Eclipse ready cause it's about to go down (Dukie, yeah)
Everybody in the lab snarf the code direct (Dukie, yeah)
And get ready to write some monkey fightin code
We running this, let's go

I'm writing code (I'm writing code)
I'm writing code (I'm writing code)
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm writin lots of code (typing up the code)
I'm writing code (I'm writing code)
I'm writing code
Take a good hard look at the comments in my code

I'm writing code wrapping up my weekly APTs
Submit my files to the server all I see is green
I finished Word Ladder, but, that's not all I wrote
I did the extra credit too while I'm writing code

Take a screenshot (click)
I'm writing code (clack)
And the method drinkChamp()
Is next on the stack
I got my D-latches
And my flippie-floppies
I'm releasing my beta version, and
Your GUI's still choppy

I'm compressing data, flipping bits and shit
The dolphin's splashin, gettin everybody all wet
But this is COMPSCI100, not COMPSCI6
I just compressed the King James bible into one kilobit

I'm writing code and
It's running fast and
My algorithm's used by
David Huffman
I'm the king of the nerds
Writing code like Turing
If you use my code
Then moot is big-Oh

Wake this schmuck up, this class is REAL!

Screw parties, I'm writing code, monkey fighter (monkey fighter)
Screw food, I eat bytes, monkey fighter (monkey fighter)
I'm in the lab with my class, monkey fighter
This JVM make noise, monkey fighter

Hey ola, if you could see me now (see me now)
Victory song playing in the background ("Never Gonna Give You Up" or "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" plays shortly)
Gonna write code 'til their defenses break down
Like Alan Turing, any code is breakable

Yeah, never thought I'd be writing code
I'm in big green lottery mode (yeah)
Astrachan
Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)

Never thought I'd make an array
And didn't have to allocate space
Believe me when I say
I hugged a T.A.

I'm writing code
I'm writing code
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm writin lots of code (woah)
I'm writing code
I'm writing code
Take a good hard look at the comments in my code (sha-sha-Dukie, Dukie, yeah)

Lab Rat Liberation

I did epilepsy research on Long-Evans rats in my senior year of high school and the summer after. This short little ditty goes to the tune of Eminem’s “Without Me”.

Now this looks like a place to be
So all you rats, make sure you're free
You could use a little, vitamin D
Cuz it's just not right, captivity

Wheat Bread

I wrote this a long time ago (like, in elementary or middle school), but uh… I’m still proud of it. Hehe.

There once was a piece of wheat bread,
Who would not get out of his bed.
They put him outside,
Where his weak body fried,
But instead of wheat toast, he was dead.

The rest

Kathy Huang, Darren Li, John Li, Shravan Sarvepalli, and I wrote this ditty in celebration of the union of our good friends Cathy Gao and Fred Howard on Saturday, May 23, 2015.

It was performed to the tune of an abridged version of the repetitive rap classic “Black And Yellow” by Wiz Khalifa.

Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy

Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
Now they married
Now they married
Now they married
Now they married

Yeah, uh huh you know what it is
E’rrthin they do, they do it big
Yeah, uh huh, screaming that's nothin'
When they do physicals, that's somethin'

It’s okay when they do it, cuz they marryin’
Gao and Howard
Gao and Howard
Gao and Howard
Gao and Howard

He take the ring put it down on her finger, it’s on
White and yellow
White and yellow
White and yellow
White and yellow

White dress, purple tie
He lookin’ good in it, but them bros ain't

Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
Honeymooning, and makin’ kids
Yeah, uh huh, Neuro that's somethin'
Doin internal med, Fred frontin’

They did it big in Ann Arbor, next in New Haven
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy

Come to the house to see Frathy and their cats are all like
Meow meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow
Meow meow meow meow

Illinois, just passin’ through
Met at boarding’ school but then...
Went to Cornell U
Northwestern University
Think they’re chic but they’re super geek
They wanna fun with them cats, board games,
Starcraft, get fly, take trips and that's that
Stuff piled high, but they can deal with that,
Combustible landfill,
Time ta get rid of some crap

Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
...
Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
...

Reppin' CloverEats yeah you see her tastin’ everything
Feed her behbehs
Feed her behbehs
Feed her behbehs
Feed her behbehs

He break things down from the top to the pundamentals
Benjamin and
Benjamax and
Benjamin and
Benjamax and

Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
E’rrthin they do, they do it big
Yeah, uh huh lovin’ that’s somethin’
When she walk down the aisle, she stunnin’

Lookin’ round when he sees her, she’s his everything
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy
Fred and Cathy

They give their all as a couple love and cherish, yeah
Now they married
Now they married
Now they married
Now they married

A song-thing for my friends Kelsey and Steven, which I later realized could go to the instrumentals of “Who we be” by DMX:

To Steven and Kelsey, one heckuva pair.
You’ve got heart, humor, and brains to spare.
So grateful to know you, we are, it’s true,
You’re so sweet and gracious, and know kung-fu (or at least Kelsey seems pretty capable).

You model how best to overachieve
While maintaining an excellent joie de vivre.
Kelsey, saving the planet and four-legged friends.
Steven, researching and saving the lives of mens.

I slept on your couch in Escondido Village
Safe I was, from plunder and pillage
Can’t thank you enough for your hospitality;
I felt so welcome, in totality.

Kelsey and Steven, here’s to you two!
May the fun and your growth forever continue.
You inspire us to be a better team.
Keep fighting the good fight, and reach for your dreams!

A ditty in celebration of my coworker Craig’s new baby:

it's taking me a while-o
to think up a rhyme for mil-o
congrats, craig-mary on shipping
your baby pics got us tripping
he's so adorbs, mad cute
and your blogposts are a hoot
can't wait to touch his little feet
Khan-grats on the serious feat

And this one to celebrate my friend Luou on his 21st birthday:

i know a kid named ouluou.
he makes us all go "wow wow wow!"
he plays bananagrams like the koolaid man
and if he can't dance, then no one can
his video portfolio is off the wall
and without fail he'll make you LOL
he smiles like youtube's tan hong ming
as wide as can be, with extra zing
he's doing economics like deng xiaoping
low-fat and lithe, kinda like weiping
i ain't gonna force anyone to sing
of luou's great deeds...
he's already the king!